And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
