I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize