three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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