Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
