why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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