What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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