so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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