I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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