U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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