Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
