Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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