my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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