I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
