i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
