she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every concussion has its silver lining
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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