the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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