i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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