Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
