Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
