So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
