I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
