I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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