he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My dick has a subreddit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
