Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
