dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
