I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
