Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
