My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
