Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
