Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
