Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
