First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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