why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
