What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
