Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
