At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
