I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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