Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
