K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
