dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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