Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
