Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
