Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
