What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
