1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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