I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
