Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize