Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
