i think my tv is drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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