I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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