She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
