Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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