It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
