my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
