Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
