I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
