Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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