she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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