we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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