Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
