how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
