I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize