My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
