the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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