I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
