I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well you can't waste a boner
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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