He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
