My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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