At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
