let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
