I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
