Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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