Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
